Where do I go from here?

I woke up this morning with this burning question on my mind.  I will be 50 on Halloween this year.  I so wanted to be at goal by my 50th birthday. I know how hard it is to lose weight the older we get.  I have heard this all of my life.  So now that I know the reality is I will not be. My goal is to be as low as I possibly can be by this date.  I have lost 30 pounds since 7-5-11 and my fill.  I know that is amazing in itself.  I have been working so hard.  I also realize the numbers are not all that matter.  Why do we always get caught up by numbers I ask? 

We want to be younger, we want to be a smaller dress size, we want to be a larger bra cup size ( Not me I want to be a C not a DD) LOL, we tell ourselves I just know if I am a size 10 I will be so happy!  I read recently here on blogland that even after you are at goal it is NOT what is ultimately going to make you happy.  I so believe this.  Will it make life better.  Most certainly it will.  Will it give us confidence in ourselves like never before.  Yes it will.  But it cannot make us "happy".  We must find happy where we are right now in this journey.  Wherever that may be.  

When I made the decision to be banded it was not so I would be happy.  It  was because I was tired of feeling FAT!  I was tired of being tired.  I was tired of not being able to shop with my friends without having to go to the only store where they could not buy a thing!  I was tired of having to sit on the sidelines because I could not participate in the game.  I was tired of not fitting in a booth at my husband's favorite restaurant.  I was tired of looking at my clothes closet and thinking black?  That is not my favorite color.  I was tired of how my feet would hurt after work each day.  I was tired of the aches in my back just from doing housework.  

 So where do I go from here?  Well I have realized this much:  I keep on moving downward.  I keep on the straight and narrow. I listen to my band, and I remember why I chose to be banded in the beginning.  I stay committed to me.  I do not let the saboteurs inch into my daily life.  I celebrate the small victories, and I relish the large ones.  I let myself be happy with ME for a change.

  I do not want to go backwards again.  I will do whatever it takes to remain steadfast in this quest for my "unfattness"!

I am glad I found each and everyone of you!  Your successes and failures have given me strength once again.  To stop beating myself up for thinking I had failed.  For making me see that no matter where we are in this journey, we need each other to get through it.  Starting my blog has been great medicine for me!

I look forward to moving forward with all my new found friends and supporters.  For those of you following me. Thank you I hope that my wordy posts bring something to each and everyone of you!  

I am moving downward.........1.5 pounds down this morning.