Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Taking Control of My Destiny
I now know what path I am on, and it feels so refreshing. I have taken full control of my destiny....or have I. Do we ever have full control of anything in our lives? Doesn't God have the final say? I have been struggling with this concept recently. I know that I prayed like hell for Adam to be healed and for him not to die....but he did die. I know that I prayed that my Lap Band surgery would bring me to my ideal weight within two years.....well it didn't. I know that I prayed for my addiction to food to go away....well it hasn't! WTF is this! What do you mean I am no longer in control. Was I ever in control really?
You see, I am a slight control freak. I get a bit "bitchy" when I am not in control of things. I do not like the unknown, and I certainly do not want to be told that things are not going to work out. Who does, right?
Since I have been banded, I learned that I have to let go of some of the control that I think I have. I have to "accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can and find the courage to know the difference"! This has not been an easy task.
Damn anyone who tells you that this journey is a picnic is lying out their ass to you! It is enlightening however, and if you dig down deep, to get to the core of who you are, and why you are the way you are. You can find out all sorts of great information that you can use in your favor to help with the weight loss.
This is not an exact science, there is no simple equation that will work for everyone. If that were the case, then this would be a CURE for obesity and not just a tool to help.
Will I be cured once I reach GOAL, certainly not. I will always be a food addict, who must recognize the triggers, and find a different way, or support person to help me through the times when I feel tempted to over eat, or choose the wrong things.
So yes, I have taken control of my destiny, I have admitted I have a problem, and I have faced it head on! I take full responsibility for choosing to be fat. YES people, I chose to eat the stuff I put into my body, even knowing it was bad for me and would cause me to gain weight. I refused to look at the scale for years even though it was YELLING back at me "hey dummy" you might want to do something to reverse this trend or you are going to kill me! I refused to stop buying bigger sizes of clothes instead of exercising to get back into the ones I had.
You see it is all about choice and we all have it. We have free will of choice and it is a beautiful thing.
So what do you choose to be?
Where do you choose to go?
I hope to see you all at the finish line with bells on!