Tuesday, May 29, 2012
The Holy Grail - Part 4 of Seeking Emotional Balance
Thanks for following me on this rather long blog post regarding the Holy Grail of weight loss. In case you are just tuning in, I am trying to organize and communicate the reasons I feel I am being successful. There is nothing unique or special about me, and this has not been researched. I am just like a poor beggar who has found a treasure chest, and now I am sharing with you. The treasure is of no value, if hoarded, it only gains interest when shared liberally.
These ideas are not mine, I just bumped into them along the way on this journey. Since they are not mine, they cannot be bought or sold, they can only be attained when sought for with the whole heart. This is a price that everyone can afford, but not all are not willing to pay. I believe that they are irrevocable principals that will lead you and I to a better journey. I may fail and totally wash out but these truth will live on. I believe that they are the key to success, the Holy Grail.
After a lot of deep thinking and reflection it all came down to 4 things:
1) Seeking out the things that make for emotional stability( this section has five subsets)
2) Food Addiction Recovery...i.e. drying out
3) Reprogramming my reward center and values
4) Mastering response-ability
When I first began this journey nearly five years ago, I fell into the trap of setting huge goals, because I actually got the notion that I could do it. What made this time so different than the other 99 times of starts and failures then?
Does this sound familiar? "I am going to lost ____ pounds by ____ date so I can go to the i.e. beach, high school reunion, wedding, shopping trip."
I submit that although it is noble to set these goals, you and I have little control as to the rate at which our bodies will lose fat. While it is true that a certain amount of loss can be forced through starvation, dehydration, or God forbid laxatives. None of these are healthy and will lead to real problems down the road, all for a temporary number that brings a fleeting sense of accomplishment and approval from those around us, when they hear of our success. I learned pretty quickly that my body works on its own clock.
It took a little while for me to realize that the goal of this journey is to lead my body along still waters, not to beat it into submission. I have tried to force a number before. My self esteem was all wrapped up in getting just one more pound closer to my eternal happiness because I hated myself the way that I looked in a mirror. This was further aggravated by weigh ins at the Dr. as I wanted to please my surgeon so badly. I wanted so baldy to be his star patient. We are typically desperate to attain some affirmation that we are succeeding, that we have worth, and that we are just as good as anyone else. You can be so desperate for this respect that you will go to extremes to get it. Like Me.
Finally I got some real insight that I want to share:
What would you think about someone who comes into a hospital badly injured, leg is broken in 3 places and they proclaim that they will be healed by such and such a date so they can attend a long anticipated event? We would tell that person to put those plans on hold. That they need to heal and that it might not happen on their preferred timeline. We would basically say within ourselves that this person needs a reality check. That individual is NOT in control of the process. All the doctors can do is to stabilize the patient and create an environment for healing to take place. Outside of that, they have to let nature take its course.
If this is so obvious in the physical, then why do we try to beat our bodies into submission to meet some "I'm gonna lost XXX pounds by XXX date" goal and then beat ourselves up because we could not make ourselves do it.
I had to let it all go, and realize that all I can do is to create the environment through nutrition and exercise, work to sustain that environment, then step back and let it unfold. Let my body heal itself on its own time clock.
If your body does not lose it on its own time, there will undoubtedly be some sort of back lash. We create crazy expectations because we believe that rigid adherence will beget success. We do this because deep down we cannot tolerate yet another failure. We struggle enough as it is. I cannot think of a time at 295+ pounds (not sure how high I really got cause I stopped weighing) where I looked at myself in the mirror and say WOW "Kristin, you are really looking good"! My viewed image was always met with a sick feeling, or no feeling at all because I had gotten really good at stuffing negative feelings. Our hearts and minds can only tolerate so much before some type of defensive mechanism kicks in for the sake of keeping us intact....sort of.
I had to learn to love myself where I was at. Happiness and self love do not come at some magic moment when the number you are seeking pops up on the screen. When I broke 100 pounds lost, there were no angel choirs singing, no TV camera interviews wanting to know my secret to success. It was all a big non event - no one really cared.
Weight loss does not bring happiness. It is the BYPRODUCT of happiness. It is the daily commitment of creating the environment for healing and sustaining it, then stepping back and allowing the magic to happen on its own timeline.
The only thing you and I can control is the environment that we create. Outside of that, it is out of our hands.
Just like a Rose cannot be forced to bloom, you cannot force your body. Water it with nutrition and exercise, seek to relieve the anxiety sources that drive the bad habits.
Then, just like the rose......let it unfold.
You shall not be sorry!