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Sunday, November 13, 2011

Bandaversary 4 years!

November 5, 2007
It took me awhile to decide what I wanted to say for this post, and now that finals are over I can actually sit down and do it.

November 9, 2007, four years......where have I come?  I have been around the block of banding I can tell you that much.
I vowed before the band that I would never, ever go back to my old habits of abusing and misusing food, but I did.

I also vowed that I would never regain those 85 pounds that I lost back then, but I did.

I watched as my broken and sore body, became fitter, and actually craved exercise, and I found myself addicted to it, only to find excuses to keep me from doing it.

I basically broke all bandster rules, and I did it in no time at all.  It only took me about 6 months to put back on 50+ pounds, and it was hard for me.  I became depressed and angry at me, myself and I.  

Then I found blogging, yes I had already put on the brakes to my insane falling off of the wagon, but it was not until I found Catherine55 and others blogs, that what I had done truly changed my life for the better.  She now knows what she did for me because I was so fortunate to meet her at BOOBS 2.0.!

Catherine and Kristin BOOBS 2.0 Chicago

So what were the rules that I broke you ask?

  1.        I stopped measuring my food.
  2.        I got a fill that was too tight to eat solid protein.
  3.        I did not go back to the Surgeon to be unfilled.
  4.        I began to eat around my band (eating sliders, things that would pass easily through it mostly high calorie liquids, ice cream yes lots of ice cream) eating out more than cooking.
  5.        I stopped stepping on the scale.
  6.        I was not diligent in drinking my water.
  7.        I stopped logging my food.
  8.        I had no idea if I was eating enough protein, I stopped doing my protein shakes.
  9.        I began to eat sugar again in large quantities.
  10.        I began to drink orange soda again like it was OK! (only orange though I never went full bore back to all soda)  like that was an alright move on my part.
  11.       I ate out of the site of anyone, I closet ate.  Denying even to myself what I was eating.
  12.       I became depressed and did not ask for help.
  13.       I stopped going to support group for my lap band.
  14.       I would not listen to those who love me that I live with, when they began to notice my gain!
  15.       I made it OK, to eat pasta and rice and even bread again, when I know this NOT on the bandster diet.
These are the things that I did, that I vowed I would never, ever do again.  These are the basics that I let slip away and I was  WRONG, I did them all.

I stopped the madness though, on June 28th, 2011, I saw my beloved surgeon once again and after a much needed ass chewing on his part.  Kristin at 276 pounds hung her head, and then smiled and said I am going to change my life once and for all.  On July 5th I had the second fill in my LapBand. Only the second fill I have ever had.  I remember that day so vividly, I was scared.  I was afraid of being to tight as I was after the first one so long ago.  I told myself you silly girl, you can eat 4 small pieces of pizza, you can eat bread, you need this fill and you need it NOW!  Stop the whining, and Just Do It!  I stopped at Taco Bell, and I had two taco's before getting filled.  Wow, I was a full fledged addict even still.

Since July, I have gotten my ass back in the gym.  I began to go each and every day, and I did something amazing.  I began to swim laps!  Me, the fat girl, who could never pull her ass through the water before, actually did and I increased and increased those laps and times til I can now swim for 60 minutes and I feel amazing when I do.  I started taking Zumba and found that I totally love this class and dancing.  It is fun and not like working out at all, I have even begun to run.  Yeah you heard right,  I can now say I run, not far mind you.  The most I have done is 1.5 miles and that is walk/ running.  But hey, it is a far cry from where I started.  I am down to 234.5 and I know that I still have a long way to go, to get where I need to be.

I am happy though, I feel I have turned that corner, I have really decided to not USE food for comfort, or think it is OK to eat the things I should not be. Maybe when I reach goal, I will go easier on myself with this, but for now, I am strict when it comes to everything.  I measure, I log, I count, I weigh and I move! I drink water, eat my protein and I thank god everyday for my BOOBS!

Going to BOOBS this year, really gave me motivation, to stay on track.  Seeing these amazing and beautiful women all in one location, and knowing that they all struggled with the same issues as me, made it OK!  I was not horrible, or a failure, I was simply a food addict, who needs support to get past it.

I have lost a freaking lot of weight.  I have lost over 130 pounds since my banding date of November 7, 2007.  I would be at goal if that weight loss had not included the 60+ gain.

If anyone takes anything away from my post, let it be this.  Your band is your best friend, treat it as so!  Your band will see you through the rough times, if you let it.  Your band is there to make you eat SOLID PROTEIN and Vegetables.  Your band is a tool, and you are it's source of power and enable it to do it's job effectively.  When you start making excuses, stop!  Walk away and reevaluate what and why this is happening, do not put it off.  You owe your life to it!

I am happy for the first time in a long time, truly happy.  I am not at goal and have much more work to do, but I know that I can get there now, because I have admitted to myself why I ate, and worked through it with counseling. 

I now EAT TO LIVE and I no longer LIVE TO EAT!  What a great feeling that is.

Kristin, Alan and Nichole November 11, 2011


Cece said...

Great post, Kristin. Even though I'm new to the band, I do get fearful of falling back into my old ways (heck, I'm trying to undo/relearn 40 years of bad habits) so I appreciate every word you posted. Thanks for sharing your story and your plan for success. You've done an amazing job since recommitting.

Stephanie said...

Kristin, I really needed to hear and read this today. In quitting smoking this last 2 weeks, i have used that as my rationalization for COMEPLETELY ingorning every band rule I know. I've been making excuses to try and justify one behavior due to another. I have gained 7 lbs and I needed a swift kick in the butt. Thank you for posting this, as it is exactly what I needed to read. Big hugs to you!!

Beth said...

Great post Kristin, thank you. As a newly banded blogger I have all the fears of failure hanging over my head. For some reason it is actually comforting to hear about someone who tripped and fell, but picked herself up again and is moving forward. I am so glad I became part of this blogging community!

RockBand Barbie said...

Happy Bandiversary! Love this post! I am so proud of you for turning things around!!!

Jessica said...

Happy Bandiversary!! Love love love the post!

Robyn's Nest said...

Happy four years, Kristin.
I am proud of you. I really am. You stopped the madness and put your life back on track. That is truly inspirational.

Dawnya said...

Awesome post to mark you journey. Congrats on taking your life back. Keep it up. Thanks for sharing this.

vickyd said...

Great post, Kristin and thank you for sharing what you have learned over the past 4 are an inspiration!

MandaPanda said...

Happy Bandiversary! You have certainly learned so much over the last 4 years and if your story tells us anything is that it is never too late to work your band. As long as it's still in you, you have a tool to use and it can work but it takes commitment. It's certainly NOT a magic wand. To be able to come back from regaining the weight to be as successful as you've been is truly inspiring! Thank you for sharing your story!

Ronnie said...

So glad you got back on the right track and found this blogging community! Love you, honey.

Happy late bandiversary!

~Lisa~ said...

Excellent post!! So excellent that I printed it off and tacked it to my bulletin board as inspiration - thank you soooo much for inspiring me, teaching me, and always giving me the oomph to keep moving, keep trying, and NEVER giving up!!

Happy Bandiversary!!