Back to work and working out!

 
Yesterday back at work I was swamped.  My new job has me hopping, but I love it.  I no longer dread coming to work, and I do not find myself watching the clock any longer.  I feel very blessed.

I feel guilty because with Thanksgiving and Cole being sick I did not work out.... not once.  I am heading to the gym tonight and I am anxious to get my buns back in gear once again.  I know that my body is craving it because I am beginning to get that tired feeling.  You know the one, the one from sitting on your "ASS"!  The one I had for most of my adult life.

Working out is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Sometimes it is hard to get yourself to go, but I have never not ONCE regretted it once I am done.  I always feel 100% better for going.

 
Someone at work, is counting the days til Christmas.  She has this nifty little sign that changes numbers each day.  I am almost done shopping so I am ready whenever it gets here.  I am enjoying my decorations so it can take its time.  I am sure by New Years that I will be ready to have them down and put away and my house back!

I did some shopping at Kohl's on Monday with my Kohl's cash from my Christmas shopping on Saturday.  I had $150 to spend and it was exciting.  I bought a pair of Lauren Conrad leggings in size L...can you freaking believe it a size L. (I had purchased XL a week before and they swam on me and I could pull them up to nearly under my boobs, Nichole said you need a smaller size so a size L). I was so pumped by this. 

I also got a Sweater dress from Elle and one from Daisy Fuentes and I love them both.  Nichole called me a "skinny bitch"!  Lovingly of course. I know that I am far from skinny but I am beginning to feel good about how I am looking again. My most prized purchase was an Apt 9 black sleeveless wrap around dress from the clearance rack for $16.90.  It fit me so perfectly. I mean really, a wrap around dress that was not in the "big girl" section  (do they even make wrap around dresses in those sizes)?  Do you know how long it has been since I did not have to shop in the "big girl" part of the store.  Well, none of anything I got was from there.  I can kiss that part of my shopping from days gone by "ta ta"!  Good rid dens and I am not sorry to see it go.

I feel good about the work I have done since July 5th and that fill.  I know that I can complete this journey now, and that I am not on a time table.  I think that when I lightened up on attacking myself for not making certain weights by certain dates, that things have sort of fell into place for me.

I am making healthy choices 95% of the time, and I am following the band rules and Commandments that I like to call them.  I know that by doing this, I WILL be successful.  I just cannot let the "excuse ass" get back in the door.


I think that is why my body is changing, because my mind is also healthy.  I am happy, and I feel good about myself, exactly the way I am right now.  I am still fat!!!!!!!!!  However, I can honestly say, that I am happy, because I know that being skinny is NOT what is going to bring me happiness.  I love that I have learned this.  Without this knowledge, I would still be beating up myself and my self esteem, which is a huge commitment and confidence crusher in my humble opinion.  It is what lead me to fall off the proverbial wagon!

Liquids are going semi OK, I did eat some turkey chili for supper last night, but I was hungry.  So I do not feel bad about doing it.  I have told myself if you are hungry, then eat.  If not, then don't.  It is working very well.  I am getting lots and lots of water in this time.  

I love my MIO!!  It has made sticking with drinking my water easier than ever.  My favorite is the Berry Pomegranate...YUM!  I will not drink anything that has aspartame in it ever again or eat for that matter.  I proved to myself over the past four years that it causes us to crave carbs.  When I stopped drinking crystal light, I was no longer hungry between meals, when I stopped chewing gum laid en with it, I was no longer hungry between meals.  I have been using MIO for over 5 months and it does not increase my cravings one little bit.  Yeah for me!

I have done posts on the importance of water, and why you have to drink water to be healthy and to lose weight.  I know that WATER is one of the keys to success!

I am looking forward to ZUMBA tonight! 

Absent and Shopping........

Forgive me my friends for being absent from Blogland, I have made a commitment to my Band to blog each and every day.  I have not done this very well this month at all.


The old "excuse ass" has come to roost!  Believe me when I tell you that I am banishing him to the other side of the world.  I refuse to let him take over my life again.

With that being said, I hope that each and everyone of you had Blessed Thanksgivings with your loved ones.  My dinner turned out fabulous, in fact it has to be one of my best ever.  Everything tasted wonderful.  Had it not been for Cole being so sick, everything would have been perfect.


We had planned on going to Chicago this weekend shopping.  I am off today and this would have been when we returned home.  Cole being sick changed all of our plans.  The boys have a new baby sister she is two weeks old today and they were suppose to be with their dad on Friday, Sat and Sun.  Adam went but we kept Cole with us.  So our Chicago trip did not happen.  I was disappointed, but glad that Cole has been home.  He is feeling better but still not 100% yet. I so hate when they are sick.


I hope to get some homework done today, and have to take Mom to the Dr, she also is not feeling great.  I certainly do not want her to get sick for the holidays.  This is a follow up to her being in the hospital last month.


I also am planning on going to the gym today.  I need to work off some stress.  


I see the Surgeon on the 7th.  I am going to do liquids for a week because I want to reach my goal I had for this visit and it is moving slower than I want.  I also will purge some of the sugar that I did have over the holidays, even though it was not much, I feel a little guilty.


I have found that every five months or so it is not bad to do a week of liquids to jump start my metabolism a little.  It gets my body back in gear.  I will do protein shakes and broth with Popsicles with sugar of course, and jello.  I did this same diet preop and lost 10 pounds so we shall see.  It starts today.

I got a lot of Christmas shopping done this weekend.  I had to work on Black Friday, and I missed most of it, but I did manage to go out at 10pm on Thanksgiving night with Nichole and Linda.  We found ourselves at Walmart and I will confess to you, that I have never seen anything like this place.  I will never go to Walmart on Black Friday again.  I do not care if they were giving away the store.  LOL.  It was painful and we ended up leaving our cart with the stuff we got and walked out.  I got lucky and went back over my lunch on Friday and was able to get the stuff we had left behind twelve hours earlier.  The store had very few people in it at that time believe it or not.

I am glad I got a jump on the shopping, but the most fun I had this weekend was putting up my Christmas tree and the outside lights and yard decorations.  I love this time of year for the smells, and the lights and music.  I loved seeing Adam's face when he came home from his Dad's and saw the lights in the yard.  He loved them and was so excited!


I am looking forward to the week, and it is starting off well, with being off today!

Thanksgiving from Hell....Ambulance Trip for Cole!

The day started out bad, it should have been the first clue that things were headed in a dark direction.

I got up and attended the bird, and began the wonderful process of creating exquisite aromas throughout our home.  At 7:00am Cole came walking out of our bedroom and was making a wretching face, like he was going to be sick.  Cole is Autistic as you know, and his speech is very limited although he will speak if spoken to sometimes.  It is hard for him to tell us when something is not just right.

I hurried him off to the bathroom where he proceeded to vomit, and get quite upset.  He was burning up with fever it was 102.7.  He looked and felt awful.  I proceeded to get Nichole up and let her know how sick he was.  Sickness never knows a holiday you know.

I was sick often as a child on holidays, I can recall it very well.  As Nichole and I prepared our feast, Cole continued to get more sick as the day went on, more vomiting not able to get even the smallest of liquid down, he was dehyrdating and I knew it.  

Our family and friends arrived, and then things got even crazier.  A full house with a sick child is never fun.  The dinner came together and it looked truly amazing, Cole was even more lethargic and I became very concerned with him.  We sat down to eat, and he laid on the couch barely awake.  I enjoyed the food, but ate very little.  I was more concerned with my little guy.

I finally convinced Nichole we should call Peds After Hours and see what they suggested we do for him.  They had a nurse speak with us and after a lengthy intake process we were instructed to call 911 and have Cole taken to the ER immediately.  Now mind you, I do not think he needed the ambulance ride, but I was very concerned and we followed their instructions.

Upon arrival there, he was at 103.9 and his heart rate was Tachy, and they were concerned.  We had to get an IV in him pronto, which was no picnic, and it made me cry.  He was sick but could still fight, and that was a good thing they said.  After prying his mouth open literally they finally got a throat swab and fluids began to flow into him.  They came back pretty quickly to advise us that his blood work showed an elevated white count, and he was positive for Strep Throat.

I had left my house in a whirlwind, with my brother and sister n law and Alan and Mom and our friends Linda and Elijah still sitting at the dinner table.  

When I returned home around 4 hours later, they had cleaned up my house and kitchen and it was amazing and wonderful.



Cole is still really sick, and is not drinking well, nor will he take the antibiotic so I am still concerned about him.  We are keeping a really close eye on him.




Other than that, I am truly glad that I did not eat much at all! I remember years and years of over indulgence and feeling totally sick after Thanksgiving meals.  Certainly not the case this year!  Woo Hoo!


  I was told over and over how skinny I am getting.  LOL
Funny I certainly do not feel skinny.  However, I am starting to see a difference when I look into my mirror.

11 Nice Ways to say "NO to FOOD PUSHERS"

With Thanksgiving tomorrow and the holiday season upon us, I thought it appropriate to bring up the notorious "food pusher".  You know the ones right?  The ones who tempt you with everything known to man, that is NOT good for you.  It could be a co-worker pushing those ooey gooey chocolate chip homemade cookies she brought in, it might be your mother, "oh come on sweetie have another helping, you are eating like a bird", it might be your significant other - "what do you mean you do not want to have a glass of wine with me or two or three or four?"

During the holiday season especially, food temptations are everywhere.  From stuffing and pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving, to eggnog and sugar cookies in December, the seasonal temptations are endless.  It can be tough enough to navigate the turkey buffet without your great aunt forcing an extra helping of mashed potatoes onto your plate, or resisting Grandma Fern's homemade dutch apple pie when she kindly smiles "oh my dear you must have a piece, I made it just for you"!

Food pushers range from well-intentioned loved ones to out right diet saboteurs.  Regardless of their motivation, you need to stick to your guns.  I find that honesty is best for me, and I simply tell them that my lifestyle has changed and that I am living healthy now.  Sometimes, that type of response just simply gets ignored.  So I have come up with some retorts to their food forcing ways that may help you keep in control of what goes onto your plate and ultimately into your mouth.

These tips will work year round, at birthday parties, special occasion dinners, Sunday brunch after church, any type of social gathering where temptations abound and the pushers lurk!

Food is DRUG to most of us!

The Push: "It's my specialty, you have to try it!"

Your Response: "I will in a bit!"

Why It Works: Stalling is a great tactic with food pushers. Odds are the offender won't follow you around making sure you actually try the dish. If they catch up with you by the end of the party to ask what you thought, tell them that it slipped your mind but you'll be sure to try it next time.

 
The Push: "This [insert name of high-calorie dish] is my favorite. You'll love it!"

Your Response: "I had some already—so delicious!"

Why It Works: A white lie in this situation isn't going to hurt anybody. You'll get out of eating food you don't want or need, and the food pusher will have gotten a compliment on what probably is a delicious dish.

The Push: "It's just once a year!"

Your Response: " But I'll probably live to celebrate more holidays if I stick with my healthy lifestyle!"

Why It Works: People can sometimes see healthy eating as vain—a means to the end result of losing weight and looking better. It's harder for a food pusher to argue with you if you bring attention to the fact that you eat right and exercise for better health and a longer life. Looking good just happens to be a side effect!

The Push: "Looks like someone is obsessed with dieting…"

Your Response: "I wouldn't say obsessed, but I am being conscious of what I eat."

Why It Works: Words like "food snob" or "obsessed" are pretty harsh when they're thrown around by food pushers. But don't let passive-aggressive comments like this bring you down—or make you veer away from your good eating intentions. Acknowledging your willpower and healthy food choices might influence others to be more conscious of what they eat. Sometimes you just have to combat food pushers with a little straightforward kindness.

The Push: "If you don't try my dish, I'm just going to have to force you to eat it!"
Your Response: "Sorry, but I don't like (or can't eat) [insert ingredient here]."

Why It Works: It's hard to argue with someone's personal food preferences. If someone doesn't like an ingredient whether its sweet potatoes, pumpkin, or butter, odds are that he or she hasn't liked it for a very long time. If you'd like to get creative with this one, go into detail about how you got sick on the ingredient as a kid or how your mom says you always threw it across the room as a baby. Who can argue with that?  

The Push: "You need some meat on your bones."

Your Response: "Trust me, I'm in no danger of wasting away!"

Why It Works: This food push is definitely on the passive-aggressive side. Using humor to fight back will defuse any tension while making it clear where you stand. 

The Push: "One bite isn't going to kill you."

Your Response: "I know, but once you pop you can't stop! And I'm sure it's so delicious I wouldn't be able to stop!"

Why It Works: This is another situation where humor will serve to distract the food pusher from his or her mission. It's a way to say "thanks, but no thanks" while making it clear that you're not interested in overindulging.

The Push: "But it's your favorite!"

 Your Response: "I think I've overdosed on it; I just can't eat it anymore!"

Why It Works: If you have a favorite holiday dish that everyone knows you love, it can be especially tough to escape this push. If a loved one made the dish specifically for you, the guilt can be enough to push you over the edge. But people understand that food preferences change, and most have been in that situation of enjoying a dish so much that they can't touch it for awhile.  

 
The Push: [Someone puts an extra helping on your plate without you asking.]

Your Response: Push it around with your fork like you did as a kid to make it look like you tried it.

Why It Works: While putting food on someone else's plate can be viewed as passive-aggressive, it was probably done with love. (Let's hope!) Making it look like you ate a bite or two can be an easy way out of the situation, but you can also just leave it alone and claim that you've already had your fill. (After all, you didn't add that extra helping!)

 
The Push: "Have another drink!"

Your Response: "I have to drive."

Why It Works: No one will argue with the fact that you want to drive home sober. If they do, you should have no qualms walking away from the conversation, period. If they offer a place for you to stay, you can always get out of the situation by blaming an early morning commitment or the fact that you need to get home to let the dog out. Kids will also get you out of everything.

 
The Push: "We have so many leftovers. Take some!"

 

Your Response: "That's OK! Just think, you'll have your meals for tomorrow taken care of."

Why It Works: Not every party guest wants to deal with the hassle of taking food with them, and this makes it clear that you'd rather the food stay. If the host is insistent, you can feign worry that they'll go bad in the car because you're not going straight home, or it'll go bad in your fridge because you've already been given so many leftovers at other parties recently. Or be polite and take them. You'll have more control of your food intake away from the party anyway. So whether you don't eat the leftovers at all or whether you split a piece of pie with your spouse, you're in control in this situation.

These tactics can work wonders in social situations, but honesty is sometimes the best policy. A simple "No, thank you" is hard for a food pusher to beat, especially if it's repeated emphatically. Remember, too, that it's okay to have treats in moderation, so don't deprive yourself of your favorite holiday foods. Just make sure that you're the one in control of your splurges—not a friend, family member or co-worker who doesn't know your fitness and health goals!

I wish you and your families the safest and blessed Thanksgiving!  

Remember Christmas and New Years are just around the corner! 

 

Monday and Grandparents Day!

Today is Grandparents day at Adam's school and in a few hours, Alan and I and Mom will make the trek to school, where we will be fed breakfast by our second grader, and serenaded by him as well.  I hear he has a solo this year, so excited.


Then we will head to his class room and will listen to a classroom full of second graders tell us what they are thankful for.  We will then assist with an art project.  I will then head off to work, and Alan will head back home.  He is off this week.


He will attend Cole's grandparents day tomorrow as I will be unable to go because of work.


I am sort of bummed that I have to work on Friday and that I cannot be out an about on Black Friday but, I am off Sat, Sun, and Monday, so I hope to get in some shopping maybe.


I am looking forward to Thanksgiving and having great food, and all of my family around me.  Linda and Elijah are coming over as well.  In fact, Elijah will be staying with us Tuesday and Wednesday, since he is off of school.


Busy week, but loads of fun will be had.
























ZUMBA tonight and I am so looking forward to it!

Goals do you set them?

Do you set goals for yourself?  Do you always set goals but only see them come and go and never realized?  Well join the group, I believe we all do this most of the time.    The good news is, that there are reasons why we do not see our goals realized.  There are actually smart ways to set goals.






Did you know that the human brain forgets 80% of detail within 24 hours and 99% within two weeks.  (This has been proven in memory studies.)  To me this is sort of a rude awakening that I needed to hear.  Writing down our goals keep them fresh and clear in our minds.  Hence why blogging and food logging has become such an important part of my life.


You can create a target date so now you have a point A and a point B.  Along the way you can have milestones, these can keep the momentum high and you focused on the right path.  Set smaller weekly or monthly goals along the way.  This can help as you move closer to that ultimate prize.




Milestones can be achievements and having nothing to do with the scale, such as being able to walk 3 miles.  To be able to swim laps for 45 minutes.  To be able to play nonstop with your children outside, or run for the first time in your life.


Plan out your actions that will help you get to this goal.  These are your daily and weekly nutrition and fitness goals that will ultimately lead you to your success.  This is how just doing a little bit each day will help you to find your dream of being thin.  Just by doing the actions, you will become a happier and healthier you.

You must be:

1. Realistic - Start off with a goal that isn't too ambitious, so that you can soon experience the thrills of success.  Build toward grander goals to keep your motivation high.
2. Specific - make sure it can be measured and tracked.
3. Forgiving - leave room for the 1 step forward - 1 step back  rule to apply.
4. Crystal clear - find a photo depicting or symbolizing what you want.  The clearer the point, the easier to stay focused.
5. Valuable - Remind yourself why you want to succeed in the first place.  
6. Challenging - What do you wish for?  This is the goal that will hold your attention the most. There is no reason that our wishes cannot become our goals.
7. Reward - every little bit of positive reinforcement helps.
8. Backed up - Prepare for the unknown with contingency plans before problems come up.  Have options waiting that will help you stay consistent in the face of the unexpected.

If you are able to do this, you will soon find that the journey becomes easier, and more fulfilling, and less of a drudge.
I cannot imagine wanting to start out on a trip, without some idea of what I want to do, or where I may end up.  I mean, OK maybe flying by the seat of your pants is OK if you are going to trek across Europe for 6 months, but most of the time a plan is of the utmost importance.


I have set my goals, and I am moving forward and I am loving every moment.

Friday and Twilight!

What a wild week at work, I got the job that I had applied for at work.  I also had to move to the other side of our building.  I am now in training and learning so much.  It is rewarding though.  I will be approving Charity applications for OSF and the Medical Group.  I recall when Adam was so sick how much help like this changed my life back then, so I love being able to help others.





I went to my support group on Monday night after being absent for over 2 years.  It was ok, I was uncomfortable at first about going back.  I used to lead this group, so it was hard.  I did meet someone there who remembered me however.  It was fantastic seeing her.  She was 400 pounds when she began and is now 270 I believe.  She has regained 37 pounds she told me.  So it was great for her to hear that I too had gained, but that I had gotten it back off.

I am glad that sharing my story will help others who are also struggling.  I know absolutely that is helping me.



I am doing ok, still not back in the gym the way I was before my teeth nightmares.  But I am back.  I cannot make excuses just because I am so busy with work, school and the holidays and family.

I am thrilled this is the weekend that "Breaking Dawn" opens.  For those of you not familiar, this is the last book of the Twilight series and this is the first movie for that book, the last movie will be sometime next year.  So I am pretty excited, I am going to see it this weekend.

I have a short day today so I had better get back to work.

Wednesday Wisdom! Emotional Eating

For many of us, healthy habits go down the tubes when we are upset, bored, stressed or sad.  

Suppose you have the healthiest set of habits that you have ever had. you are eating more veggies than Bugs Bunny.  Your sleep is so consistent that the neighbors rooster doesn't get up until you do.  You exercise so often that your gym shoes start lacing themselves.  It is tough to think that something could get in your way.

Something can, and it often does.......Emotional Eating!

Emotional eating is quite possibly the #1 enemy of continued healthy living.  Sometimes we eat for the strangest reasons, bad day at work may escalate with a bag of chips on the couch.  An argument may drive you to the fridge to calm down.  A rough round of golf may lead you to the clubhouse for a chilli dog and a beer.

You have come so far, you are nearly at the end of your weight loss journey.  You have worked so hard to improve the day to day actions that point you in the right direction.  As we become masters of these habits we should be better prepared to combat some of the reasons behind the emotional eating pitfalls.  You can --and should--eliminate the emotional triggers so they no longer have a change to sabotage your lifestyle and healthy habits.

Emotional eating is a common problem.  In fact it is estimated that 75% of weight gain is due to emotional eating or mindless eating.

It is not always easy to pinpoint the root of these problems.  But you can take some steps to help to draw out these reasons and squash them like bugs.

     1.  Recognize the problem - you may be an emotional eater and not even know it.  Do you graze for no reason even though you are not hungry?  Do you find yourself in front of an open fridge and not know why?  Do you react to stress by opening your mouth and sticking an eating utensil in it?  Do you tend to gain weight when going through hectic/stressful times in your life?

     2.  Identify and Investigate Trigger Times - Become aware or danger times and situations.  Is coming home from work often an emotional time for you?  A visit with the in-laws?  Talking with the EX?  Do these times overlap with unhealthy eating episodes?  The best way to figure this out is to track your reasons for eating.  Hopefully hunger is the most common reason.  If you find there are others then you can plan for these triggers ahead of time.

     3.  Look at the reasons triggers have power - The root of emotional eating often lies in bigger picture questions.  Are you going through a stressful period at work, at home, in your marriage, or in some other way?  Have you had a recent failure that is crushing your self esteem?  Are you unhappy with your day to day life?  Have you gone through a traumatic experience, such as a death, divorce, bankruptcy or loss of job?

     
4.  Take it one trigger at a time - Write in your blog how these lifetime experiences are effecting your good food choices as well as your motivation.  First, figure out how these times are about to trigger an emotional eating episode and how to neutralize it.  Then think about what steps you can take to keep the issue from having a hold on you at all.  Focus on one at time, and be patient and generous with yourself.  This may take some time.  

Emotional eating triggers have  no easy answers, but ignoring them will only make things worse. Until you deal with these issues you make continue your ride on the diet roller coaster, no matter how hard you try to keep your healthy habits alive.  You can DO THIS!

Monday..New Week...New Job!

 
I have been wanting to change jobs at work for awhile, and I found out last Thursday that I got the job that I was in the running for.  I am so excited for the change.

I know it will make my life at work much happier.  So I have allot to learn, and to top it off my department is moving tomorrow to the other side of our building.  They also decided to have a PIZZA PARTY during the move, I just shrugged my shoulders because I cannot eat thick crust pizza in the first place can you say major stuck episode if I did.....and secondly the place they are getting it from is some of the saltiest pizza I have ever tasted.  YUCK!

Things are chaotic and hectic to say the least.  My new quarter at school starts tomorrow and I have new software for my e-learning courses as well.  I have to play around in there tonight to make sure that I can get in.

I cannot believe that the holidays are upon us. I am looking forward to them to have time with my family and friends.  It is what I love most about the holidays,  the smells, and the love that is spread when we are all together.

I am heading back to my support group tonight for the first time in well over two years.  I used to be the leader of this group, so this will be hard for me.  I look about the same as I did when I stopped going, except for about 14 pounds.  I just decided it is time to go back and to make no excuses to just do it!

I will have to let you know how that turns out.  I am also excited for Friday to get here.  Why you ask, well I am getting my new cell phone on Friday and I also am hoping to see Breaking Dawn as well.  See I am a Twilight groupie and I have been waiting a long time for this movie to come out.


So that is what I am doing this week.  I will also be working out and busting my ass at the gym.

Bandaversary 4 years!

November 5, 2007

It took me awhile to decide what I wanted to say for this post, and now that finals are over I can actually sit down and do it.


November 9, 2007, four years......where have I come?  I have been around the block of banding I can tell you that much.
I vowed before the band that I would never, ever go back to my old habits of abusing and misusing food, but I did.


I also vowed that I would never regain those 85 pounds that I lost back then, but I did.


I watched as my broken and sore body, became fitter, and actually craved exercise, and I found myself addicted to it, only to find excuses to keep me from doing it.


I basically broke all bandster rules, and I did it in no time at all.  It only took me about 6 months to put back on 50+ pounds, and it was hard for me.  I became depressed and angry at me, myself and I.  


Then I found blogging, yes I had already put on the brakes to my insane falling off of the wagon, but it was not until I found Catherine55 and others blogs, that what I had done truly changed my life for the better.  She now knows what she did for me because I was so fortunate to meet her at BOOBS 2.0.!

Catherine and Kristin BOOBS 2.0 Chicago

So what were the rules that I broke you ask?

1.        I stopped measuring my food.
2.        I got a fill that was too tight to eat solid protein.
3.        I did not go back to the Surgeon to be unfilled.
4.        I began to eat around my band (eating sliders, things that would pass easily through it mostly high calorie liquids, ice cream yes lots of ice cream) eating out more than cooking.
5.        I stopped stepping on the scale.
6.        I was not diligent in drinking my water.
7.        I stopped logging my food.
8.        I had no idea if I was eating enough protein, I stopped doing my protein shakes.
9.        I began to eat sugar again in large quantities.
10.        I began to drink orange soda again like it was OK! (only orange though I never went full bore back to all soda)  like that was an alright move on my part.
11.       I ate out of the site of anyone, I closet ate.  Denying even to myself what I was eating.
12.       I became depressed and did not ask for help.
13.       I stopped going to support group for my lap band.
14.       I would not listen to those who love me that I live with, when they began to notice my gain!
15.       I made it OK, to eat pasta and rice and even bread again, when I know this NOT on the bandster diet.

These are the things that I did, that I vowed I would never, ever do again.  These are the basics that I let slip away and I was  WRONG, I did them all.

I stopped the madness though, on June 28th, 2011, I saw my beloved surgeon once again and after a much needed ass chewing on his part.  Kristin at 276 pounds hung her head, and then smiled and said I am going to change my life once and for all.  On July 5th I had the second fill in my LapBand. Only the second fill I have ever had.  I remember that day so vividly, I was scared.  I was afraid of being to tight as I was after the first one so long ago.  I told myself you silly girl, you can eat 4 small pieces of pizza, you can eat bread, you need this fill and you need it NOW!  Stop the whining, and Just Do It!  I stopped at Taco Bell, and I had two taco's before getting filled.  Wow, I was a full fledged addict even still.


Since July, I have gotten my ass back in the gym.  I began to go each and every day, and I did something amazing.  I began to swim laps!  Me, the fat girl, who could never pull her ass through the water before, actually did and I increased and increased those laps and times til I can now swim for 60 minutes and I feel amazing when I do.  I started taking Zumba and found that I totally love this class and dancing.  It is fun and not like working out at all, I have even begun to run.  Yeah you heard right,  I can now say I run, not far mind you.  The most I have done is 1.5 miles and that is walk/ running.  But hey, it is a far cry from where I started.  I am down to 234.5 and I know that I still have a long way to go, to get where I need to be.


I am happy though, I feel I have turned that corner, I have really decided to not USE food for comfort, or think it is OK to eat the things I should not be. Maybe when I reach goal, I will go easier on myself with this, but for now, I am strict when it comes to everything.  I measure, I log, I count, I weigh and I move! I drink water, eat my protein and I thank god everyday for my BOOBS!


Going to BOOBS this year, really gave me motivation, to stay on track.  Seeing these amazing and beautiful women all in one location, and knowing that they all struggled with the same issues as me, made it OK!  I was not horrible, or a failure, I was simply a food addict, who needs support to get past it.

I have lost a freaking lot of weight.  I have lost over 130 pounds since my banding date of November 7, 2007.  I would be at goal if that weight loss had not included the 60+ gain.


If anyone takes anything away from my post, let it be this.  Your band is your best friend, treat it as so!  Your band will see you through the rough times, if you let it.  Your band is there to make you eat SOLID PROTEIN and Vegetables.  Your band is a tool, and you are it's source of power and enable it to do it's job effectively.  When you start making excuses, stop!  Walk away and reevaluate what and why this is happening, do not put it off.  You owe your life to it!

I am happy for the first time in a long time, truly happy.  I am not at goal and have much more work to do, but I know that I can get there now, because I have admitted to myself why I ate, and worked through it with counseling. 


I now EAT TO LIVE and I no longer LIVE TO EAT!  What a great feeling that is.

Kristin, Alan and Nichole November 11, 2011